Teen Grief: Coping with Loss and Finding Support this National Grief Awareness Day

By Diana Lucie, Childhood Matters Youth Ambassador

August 30th is recognized as National Grief Awareness Day, and as a Youth Mental Health Ambassador, I’d like to reflect on the effects of grief on teen mental health. At the age of 15, I lost my aunt to her long battle with breast cancer a few weeks before my junior year of high school started. It was so hard to cope with feelings of grief and having a full school year ahead of me, I was stressed not knowing how I would feel. It did set me back academically, but I caught up with my classes a few months later. However, on the inside, there was no way to just feel okay. I wasn't the same person anymore, and I struggled wondering if I could ever be happy like I used to be again. Everything reminded me of her, and with the holidays ahead, I would just miss her more and more.

About 1 year after my aunt’s passing, my grandmother passed away unexpectedly. She had developed a chronic form of stomach cancer that progressed very quickly, and treatment was not able to help her as we found out at stage 4. She passed days after my senior year of high school started, and I feared that I would go through exactly what I went through in my junior year. Indeed I did, but I knew I could not let myself fall behind as it was my senior year, and there would be no time to catch up. Holding in the feelings of grief, I pushed through, and did not fall behind, but I did feel grief and all the things that I felt during my aunt's passing. In fact, I remember trying to tell a few friends at school how I felt, only to hear through gossip that they said "All she talks about is her dead aunt and grandmother.” That broke me on the inside. I thought people genuinely wanted to listen, but instead, took it as an opportunity to make fun of me.

After that experience, I shortly after found out about Childhood Matters, and applied to be a Youth Mental Health Ambassador so I can keep educating people on the importance of mental health and really understanding your feelings. Losing a loved one is incredibly hard, which is why it is important to make sure you are taking care of your mental health and wellbeing. Statistics show that by the age of 18, 20% of people have lost a family member of which 70% of those teens don’t know how to cope with feelings of grief. Not knowing how to cope with those feelings can lead to removing yourself from social activities, acting differently, and losing appetite— all symptoms of depression.

Like I mentioned earlier, there is no way to “cure” grief, but we can focus on ways to cope and address it. Talking to someone can be one of the most helpful ways to help those feelings of grief. Whether it is a therapist, family member, friend, or someone you trust, talking helps you address your feelings and can help you feel better. Journaling is also a great way to talk about your feelings if you don't want to talk to anyone. Writing your thoughts can put you more at ease, and you may feel that you are less upset after. Also staying part of social activities is very important as you can tend to feel alone when you experience grief, and having friends or people around you can help you feel less alone. Personally, I started songwriting which helped a lot with feelings of grief, and now I continue to write songs as I feel close to my emotions through music. Talking to my Mom about these feelings helped a lot as well, and we helped each other through it as it was her sister and mom who passed away.

Grief is something experienced by people of all ages at any time, so as we speak about grief this National Grief Awareness Day, remember to make every day about awareness, as you do not need a special day to bring awareness to this cause, especially in teens. Childhood Matters is here to help and has resources such as counseling services, a grief and loss toolbox filled with activities and guides to help navigate difficult emotions, and much, much more. It’s okay to not be okay, and remember that there are ways to cope with difficult feelings.